| The One About 'Yard Season' |
| By Jeff Baitis |
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http://baitis.net |
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"The winter snow hand finally melted, marking the beginning of what the residents of Rosy Crest Lane considered 'Yard Season.'
"And, marking the first *Saturday* of Yard Season, was Robert Ferguson, of 142 Rosy Crest Lane. |
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"Just like every Saturday morning of Yard Season on Rosy Crest Lane, at 5:30 AM, Robert Ferguson was already revving whatever new gas-powered 'yard management tool' he had recently purchased. |
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"Robert Ferguson was a disciplined, meticulous, and arrogant man. His well-lubricated chainsaw protruded, erect, in his gloved hands, as though he were attempting to prove something to his captive audience. |
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"The chainsaw, full-throttle, screamed like a wildcat as it ripped through the eight-year-old tree with devistating efficiency. And so did Robert Ferguson scream, when a groggy Dr. Johnathan Siles of 144 Rosy Crest Lane snuck up behind him and smashed Bob's skull in with a yard spike.
"No investigation was conducted, no charges pressed, and Siles walked away from the scene of the 'crime.' I was sherrif at the time, and I happend to live at 140 Rosy Crest Lane. I witnessed it all. That ass hat deserved it, too... always waking us all up every Saturday morning. Yard Season was finally over, and for good! |
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Gazing into the fire as the story unfolded in their imaginations, the children's rosy-red cheeks had grown almost uncomfortably hot from the fire roaring in the fireplace. The six-year-old twins playfully leaned back and lifted their chins all the way, looking back and up at their old uncle. He smiled wistfully. The fire crackled and sparkled in Parsons' eyes. |
"Geee, uncle Parsons, can you tell us another story?" Peter and Christie chimed, grinning from ear to ear.
"Hmmmmm," he thought for a moment. Parson's sister, who had been listening to them from the other side of the bordello, had a great suggestion. "Tell them the one about the rabbits in the dryer oven!" |
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