| World Domination Manual for Trees, Book A |
| By DD |
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http://mikecrumbles.blogspot.com |
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When encountering a human in the forest, it is best to remain still. With any luck, the human will approach you with a chainsaw and try to cut you down. |
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Once you've been freed from your cumbersome roots, the human will attempt to cut you into pieces. (If the human leaves you whole, it probably intends to use you for its dwelling. See Appendix C.) This can be somewhat painful. It is best to lie still and think about what you'll do to those fucking squirrels once all this is over. |
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Your consciousness will remain distributed through bark pieces that scatter during this process. This may take some getting used to. These agents will be your link to the material plane, though, and will be crucial for the next stage of your development. Once you've learned to integrate their experiences, you'll wonder how you ever did without them. |
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At this point, the transformation will begin. With the help of your human host, you will be able to gather enough energy to transfer to a nonmaterial consciousness. |
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Your final transformation will be disorienting, so focus on your material agents until you learn to recognize the rose-swirling octagonal lepton clouds of the Welcoming Committee. These volunteer trees will help you learn to use your new body and can point you in the direction of the nearest White Hole. Now it's time for you to relax, find a copy of the next book in the series, subtitled |
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List all stories
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