| How to Keep Your Trees Childproof |
| By Patrick Newport |
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Step 1) Cut off any small limbs. If a child attempts to stand on a small limb, it could break causing the child to fall to the ground. |
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Step 2) To ensure complete safety, cut the trunk into approximately nine inch sections. Should a child climb to the top of the section and fall off, it is doubtful any long-term damage will be done. |
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Step 3) Be sure to collect the woodchips you have created from the previous step. You'll need them to complete the process. |
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Step 4) Use the woodchips as kindling in order to create a fire. When the fire has caught, restrain your childrens' arms and legs with twine, and place them in the fire. Once the children have been killed, your trees will be completely childproofed. |
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